Letting Go Of Toxic Relationships

If you have been reading my other blog posts, you know that we are talking about the importance of Primary Foods— the areas that feed us that are not food.  To read about the Primary Foods of Physical Activity, and Career, click  HERE and HERE. 

The next area is on Relationship. 

What does a good relationship mean to you? Acceptance, unconditional love, encouragement and support?  How is your marriage?  Your dating relationship? How are your friendships?

I know none of us are perfect, so we all naturally will come across some rocky relationships.  I have yet to find the perfect marriage, the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend or the perfect friendship.  Yet, when you look at those relationships, what one thing sticks out? What is the key ingredient that makes it last?

I know for me, in my relationship with my husband, an unwavering commitment to love each other and support each other no matter what is really what keeps our bond strong.  We have been through so much in our past 12 years of marriage.  I have been critical more times than I care to count.  His laid back, easy going style sometimes clashes with my more urgent, task oriented, obsessive tendencies (although ironically, he is always on time, and I am always late which makes me more laid back in that respect!) However, we accept each other unconditionally and no matter how angry we make each other, we still have a deep love and respect for one another.  I feel more alive with my husband and he makes me want to be a better person.

(this was taken soon after we were married)

Compare that to some other past relationships in my life.  In the workplace and elsewhere, there have always been others who love to dwell on the negative.  They can be judgmental; they may even judge me for being too positive or for focusing on wanting to take better care of my health.  If I stayed in those relationships, it would not serve me in the long run.  These are what I could call “toxic” relationships.

Sometimes these toxic relationships have been so stressful that they drive me to over eat.  In those moments, I have to take a step back and ask myself what I am feeling in the moment.  “Do I really need to eat half a bag of chips right now?”

Sometimes it becomes necessary to remove ourselves from these relationships. I know that can be easier said than done. But if it is possible, then we need to focus on the fact that if we ever want to lose those last 10 pounds…… or reduce our chronic pain…. or heal ourselves from chronic sickness…. we may need to look at the stressors in our life, which may mean that we need to let go of certain people.

If it is someone from your past who hurt you badly, and  you no longer have contact with that person, then I would suggest this:

1. write a letter to that person outlining how the situation made you feel.  End it with a positive affirmation such as “I am bigger than this pain.  I am strong.  I am worth it.”
2. Rip the letter up and throw it away.

If it is someone who you are currently in contact with and you know he/she is triggering bad health habits such as over eating, then first see if there is a way to communicate directly with that person.  Use “I” statements such as stating how you feel.  If that doesn’t work and you can let go of the person, then do that.  If it is a marriage, then I always recommend going to some type of counseling.  Many marriages have improved with good quality counseling and there is always hope.  If it is someone who has hurt you, then try the letter exercise.

Some other good ways to let go:

1. Journal your emotions
2. Meditate for 10 minutes a day
3. Pray

Remember…. it’s not just about the food itself!  When talking about Primary Foods, can you see how everything is connected?  This is part of what I do as a Health Coach… I will work with you to find out what is out of balance in your life and how you can learn to deal with your stressors.

Please check out my website at www.nourishedandnew.com!

Stay tuned for the last area of Primary Food, and probably the most important area, which is Spirituality!


p.s- there is a way to follow me by email!  Please enter your email address at the top and my blog posts will come straight to your inbox, about twice a week!
UPDATE:  it seems the follow by email feature isn’t working as those who signed up are not getting the emails.  sorry about that!  I will look into that and hopefully resolve the issue soon!


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